The Third Letter (CPTSD)

"Beneath the surface of the protective parts of trauma survivors there exists an undamaged essence, a Self that is confident, curious, and calm..." — Bessel A. van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score

So what is C-PTSD and why is it so integral to understand the role of trauma, before reading my book?

Clinically we would say that Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) is a mental health condition arising from chronic, long-term, or repeated trauma—often in childhood—rather than a single event. Those who suffer from CPTSD experience an overwhelming nervous system fronted response, usually as a reaction to ongoing, intense interpersonal trauma.

In the language of poetry we say: complex trauma is experienced as living in moments of memory, it is the art of drowning in a shallow room, where the floor is made of yesterdays and the walls are painted pain. It is not a path you choose, but one that emerges and seeks to pull you back into the past. It is not a choice, but a consequence of damage; a tug that renders you unreachable, drifting away from the present and the safety of connection. Immersed into the deep, unreachable ocean, whilst watching the warmth of the present slip through your open hands.

I suffer from C-PTSD.

I have experienced the full onslaught of violation to body and mind.

I have suffered.

Part of what is so meaningful to me about this book is the open, raw and unrelenting sharing of moments and memories. That I allowed myself to live it all, between the pages of this book. I wrote this book as a way of coping with therapy but soon found when sharing with others, that it was a way of communicating, 'hey do we share the same hurts?'

"May the remedies you seek be found within any stillness and quiet your soul paves way for" - Louisa Merryn

Love Lou x x x